For many of us, our home is our absolute favorite place to be. It’s a place of rest after a long day of work or school, where our bodies and souls get fed on good food and love.
Or at least, that’s what it’s supposed to be!
I personally know many people who would rather be anywhere but home. In their homes, love and honor and even physical care are sometimes absent, and there is always strife, dishonor, and chaos. And in some sad cases, home is even a dangerous place.
The people in the home is what makes the culture of the home, and more specifically, the way the people in the home relate to one another is what forms the atmosphere. It’s what they do or do not do to one another that makes home either a place you love or a place you can’t wait to get away from.
I believe it’s every mom’s desire to, alongside her husband, create a safe, loving, and stable home environment. And by stable I mean that both parents and children (and any others who may be living in the home) love and respect one another. However, despite this desire, I’ve come to understand that not every mama knows what to do to help foster this atmosphere. Quite often, in fact, we’re actually doing things that work against what we’re wanting!
This was exactly my story. I didn’t make the connection between my poor and selfish attitude (being irritable, annoyed, and easily provoked) and the negative and uninviting home environment we had. I was, without clearly seeing it, making our home a stressful place to live for everyone. My continuous bad attitude was affecting my husband and kids (not to mention that it was also affecting my personal health).
This does not have to be the story of your home! And thankfully, it’s not the story of mine anymore either!
You can absolutely have a home everyone loves to be in and looks forward to coming back to, including you! A simple shift in your relational habits will have a deep impact on your relationships, and in turn, on the home atmosphere. Here are four small things you can do for healthy parent-child relationships that will make your home atmosphere one everyone loves.
1. Intentionally think good thoughts toward each other
When the relational bonds between parents and children get strained, negative thoughts are either the cause of it or quickly become an issue. And what do I mean by negative thoughts? Thinking critical, judgmental, and adversarial thoughts that pit you against your husband or your kids.
This was honestly a huge problem for me for years because I didn’t understand the nature of my children and how to properly train them. The Bible says that as a man thinks in his heart, so is he (Proverbs 23:7). So the way we treat one another is rooted in how we think about each other. If we intentionally think good thoughts, despite the shortcomings of the person, we will treat them differently.
By good thoughts I mean that we fight for love. That’s the way we were created to be. But this can be hard, right? Especially when your kids are fighting and/or having a hard time obeying. If you find yourself struggling with this, read my post on training your kids to obey the first time. When your kids are well-trained, it’s not as difficult to force your thoughts into an appropriate place. Also, grab yourself a copy of both To Train Up a Child and Grace Based Parenting. These are both phenomenal resources for properly relating to kids!
So despite anything that takes place, we remind ourselves that we want the best for our kids. We remind ourselves that Christ forgave us, so we walk in radical forgiveness. We take our eyes off of ourself and extend mercy. This is unbelievably freeing, makes for healthy parent-child relationships, and it impacts our home atmosphere greatly!
2. Intentionally say encouraging and empowering words
God has done quite a work in my life to deliver me from negativity. For years, my mind had been formed to see all the negative in myself and in others. And not only did it negatively affect my family, but I was miserable also!
If you know me personally, then you know that I’m *huge* on growing in knowledge and understanding. The Bible, as well, exhorts us to do this (Proverbs 4:7). Because of this, I’m constantly reading or listening to videos to learn and increase my understanding so that I can walk uprightly. Consequently, the message in this book opened my eyes to the power of words. It helped me to realize the reality of words that bless and words that curse. So you can imagine how stunned I was when I learned that I was actually cursing my children, my husband, and all of our relationships through what I was saying!
I started changing what I thought and what I said. Over time and with much practice, I’ve actually trained myself to be careful what I say not only of my family, but others as well. And it’s astonishing the difference it’s made!
Encourage what you see that is good. To encourage literally means to give courage to a person or confidence that they can have success. Encourage the small efforts you see in your kids to do right. What you encourage will grow, and even some of the poor behavior will diminish. Bless each other in your marriage with encouraging and empowering words, even if you’re struggling to see the good.
Our words are powerful, so let’s build our homes on healthy ones. 🙂
3. Control your tone when you’re emotional
Have your kids or husband ever made you so angry that you lost it? Has disobedience ever sent you into Mean Mommy mode? Trust me, I get it. In times like these, it can be easy to yell and be harsh.
The truth is, there is always potential to express anger in any relationship. Everyone, and especially our close family, is going to do something at some point that could potentially throw us over the edge. But an overboard emotional response will only make things worse. What’s worse, since our kids always absorb our behavior, they will begin to have extreme emotional responses to situations (take it from me).
So the best thing to do in a situation that could cause you to flip is to take a deep breath and focus. Ask yourself, do I really want to have an overboard response? What kind of home am I trying to have? What is the right and godly response? If you feel like you’re unable to respond kindly just then, take a few minutes to get yourself under control. Go to a bathroom and lock yourself in there for a couple minutes (hey, it really works!). Remember, it’s better to not respond at all in a situation than go overboard and unintentionally hurt the people we love.
And if you haven’t yet, check out this post I wrote on training your kids to obey the first time. My projection is that it will solve 90% of any frustration issues you have with your kids.
4. Apologize and ask for forgiveness when you’re wrong
This one may seem like common sense, but I can tell you that I’ve seen families where wrongs are never dealt with in a healthy way.
There is what seems to be a supernatural element of healing that happens when someone truly recognizes their wrong, apologizes for it, and asks for forgiveness. I would even go so far as to say that this is the primary component of healthy parent-child relationships (and any relationship, for that matter!).
If we truly want healthy homes, this is a non-negotiable practice. Because the truth is that we are all going to do something at some point that we will need forgiveness for, and although it’s humbling, it’s crucial to our family health to take responsibility for our wrongs and make them right.
I believe every parent ultimately desires to have healthy, loving relationships with their children and each other. I pray that as you put these practices into action, you will see your relationships moving toward openness, healing and strength. 🙂
Related Posts:
3 Ways to Start off Your Family’s Morning Right
2 Ways to Win Your Kids’ Hearts
15 Quality Time Ideas that Kids Love
This was so insightful! These concepts are so good that yi believe you can use them in other areas of your life like when dealing with conflict at work!
I look forward to reading more and will be sure to share with others 😊