I remember my high school calculus days like they just happened last year.
I was in a class with some of the smartest kids in the whole school. Most of them were ranked in the top 5% of our almost 600-student graduating class. And I mean these kids got it. Like they would always seem to understand every new concept the teacher was explaining and even know what questions to ask.
What I remember most about that class is that while these students got it, I really struggled to get it. I often had a hard time understanding the unique concepts underlying these math problems. I knew that if I could just get to a place where I could understand the rules, I could do any of the problems without a struggle.
And that’s exactly how I feel about understanding our children’s nature.
You see, what we believe about our kids will determine how we handle them. If we believe they are a burden, we will forever be trying to rid ourselves of them. If we believe they have an inherently good nature, we will probably be slack in training them. And if we think that their schoolteachers and Sunday school teachers are supposed to take the main responsibility for them, we will be making life miserable for ourselves.
So what is the correct way to view our children’s nature?
I believe the Bible has provided the most effective guidelines for both understanding and dealing with our children. Much like understanding the rules of math, we understand the nature of all humanity through the lens of the Bible and are thus provided with many answers.
So what does the Bible say about our children’s nature?
They are born into sin
For many years, I would hear this phrase being true about all of humanity and I didn’t quite understand what it meant. But after years of studying the Bible, praying, and probing, here’s what I understand it to mean:
All people are born without the influence of the divine nature upon the soul.
The nature of God is one of love (1 Corinthians 13:4-8). He is joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness, and self-control. Without this nature influencing our souls, we have nothing “governing” our souls and leading us toward light (moral uprightness, godliness). And without light, we walk in darkness (moral wrong).
This all started with Adam and Eve in the Garden of Eden. Once they sinned, they died spiritually (were separated from God’s internal influence because they became disconnected in their spirits from Him). And every human born from then on was born in this way. That’s why the Bible says that all have sinned and fall short of the glory of God (Romans 3:23).
So our children’s nature is sinful. They will naturally do wrong. And without guidance and training to lead them to the right ways of thinking and acting, they will continue to do wrong. By understanding that our children will naturally deviate from the right path without any guidance, we understand that they must be trained.
They must be trained
Proverbs 29:15 that “the rod and reproof give wisdom, but a child who gets his own way brings shame to his mother.” Verse 17 of that same chapter states “correct your son, and he will give you comfort; he will also delight your soul.”
The Bible makes it very clear that it is our responsibility as parents to diligently train up our children. What does it mean to train? Webster’s 1828 Dictionary is defines it as “forming by practice.” In other words, we continually teach our kids to do what’s right by having them do it again and again. We must teach them what to do and see to it that it’s done correctly. And when our kids are well-trained, we simply enjoy their company!
Read: Train Your Kids to Obey the First Time
So in other words, our children are destined for ruin if we don’t train them. Before I understood this, I used to think, is it really supposed to be this hard? I had no understanding of just how much investment it took to train up a child. But thankfully, the Lord helped me to see that without a consistent investment on my part, my kids would not learn things that they desperately needed to learn.
Training up children is, for us as parents, an investment we make for a season. If you find yourself struggling with having the right mindset in this area, read this post. Also, snag a copy of To Train Up a Child. It’s extremely thorough on this topic and I promise that you won’t be disappointed!
They are in need of a Savior
Because the divine influence upon the soul of man was lost, resulting in human selfishness, we need that influence to be restored to truly walk in godliness. And God provided a means for that restoration-Jesus Christ is the mediator between God and man!
In the Old Testament, the Law was given as a “tutor” to lead and teach people the right way to live before Christ came and restored our connection with God. In the same manner, the training that we provide our kids leads them into the path of righteousness long before they ever make a conscious decision to accept Christ as their Savior.
This completely debunks the notion that kids will just “get it” on their own. Kids are not naturally good and selfless. Nobody is. Our kiddos need us to guide them down the right pathways by first modeling and then teaching.
Children will catch more than they are taught
We’ve all heard the phrase “more is caught than taught,” right? And we all know it’s true. I like to say that our children “absorb” us. Good or bad, it’s just the way it works!
I called my dad the other day and started talking to him. A little bit into the conversation I realized that it was not my dad at all, but my 20 year old brother! I was astonished at how much he sounded like my dad on the phone!
Have you ever been told that you sound just like your mom or dad? Or have mannerisms that your parents have? It seems to be a principle set in place by God that we will absorb more of our parents than anything they ever teach us.
This can be both good and scary. If you have a lot of good traits and habits, chances are that your kids will absorb them. But if you have a lot of character deficiencies, they will get those as well. So our little ones are just great big sponges. What can we do?
I think this principle actually makes parenting easier. Instead of trying to control your kids, you just need to control yourself. As believers, we’ve already been given all we need for life and godliness (2 Peter 1:3). All we need to do is renew our mind to access this grace!
Read: Training vs. Controlling: How to Tell the Difference
I hope this helps bring clarity to any mama who has struggled with this topic. Piece by piece, as we gain understanding about raising kids, I believe we will see things come together in our homes the way we want them to 🙂
Related Posts:
Why Do We Discipline Our Kids?
Why is Motherhood So Hard? (and how to fix this)
2 Ways to Win Your Kids’ Hearts
